As a therapist that works with survivors of relational trauma, I have learned a great deal about the lasting effects of abusive relationships- and why it can be so difficult for survivors to move forward. One of the lasting effects of relational trauma is traumatic bonding. There is a lot of information recently on social media bout trauma bonds, however this discourse rarely details the underling psychology. I’d like to provide some background on trauma bonds- what they are, how they form, and how they impact subsequent relationships. I’ve observed that a lot of survivors blame themselves for feeling bonded to an abuser- I hope that this information allows those of you who are survivors to experience more self-compassion and understanding about why this occurs- and that you are not alone. While I detail a lot of the psychology underlying trauma bonds, this post is not meant to pathologize, but rather to provide education and raise awareness.

In cognitive modalities, or talk therapy, oftentimes people can speak about their trauma from a very intellectualized, detached, even dissociated perspective. In this way, there is enough distance from the memory that you are not fully processing the information. Oftentimes during therapies like CBT- and I don’t mean to discount CBT because it does have its place, and there are cognitive components in EMDR- clients report experiencing insights at an intellectual level, but not feeling them at a gut level.

For example, a client might say “I know intellectually that my trauma wasn’t my fault, but I still feel like it is.” EMDR is different, because it allows you to feel the insights at an emotional gut level, not just a cerebral intellectual level. You can truly understand and believe in your gut the positive cognitions that you identify cognitively.

In this video, I walk you through EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)—what it is, how it works, and how it can help you heal from trauma, anxiety, grief, and more. I explain how EMDR helps the brain process stuck memories and negative beliefs by using bilateral stimulation (such as eye movements or tapping), and why it’s so effective at bringing relief. Whether you're curious about EMDR or considering it for yourself, this video offers a simple, clear introduction to a powerful therapeutic tool.

Mental health resources are in higher demand than ever, but harder than ever to access. Finding a therapist is no easy task, so I want to share my thoughts on how to find the right therapist for your unique needs. Research shows that the greatest predictor of success in therapy is the therapeutic relationship, so it is of the utmost importance to find a therapist that you feel genuinely connected to.